Honestly, you'd think that at this point in my life I wouldn't have a care in the world.

So why is it that I'm burned the fork out?

I'm heading back to the east coast for a week to visit family and friends and although the idea sounds great...I'm starting to feel a bit apprehensive.

I haven't made many friends out here and haven't actually relied on my friends back home..

So I feel like I'm in limbo. A week full of fun and then back to the same old shyte.

Worse, I'm having trouble finishing my school work because the instructor decided to make this the busiest week of the course. I wanted to get everything done before actually going on vacation, and now it looks like that's not going to happen.

I'm going through a burnout period and have decided to just push through it as I always do.

It's kind of like my emotions...they exist...things hurt and make me angry and upset and happy etc...but I just don't feel like I have time to let those things manifest in the open, so I shove them back inside for a later date. The same goes for my burntness and stress...I'll just stuff it back down and keep working as though it doesn't exist.

hopefully my mind doesn't explode into a massive ball of lava before I complete my stupid degree.

in other news, I have officially decided that sleep is no longer a priority. I have since returned to my old ways of staying up until 3AM, getting up at 8AM for work, and pounding out classwork at the same time. A single small meal is sometimes thrown in around 8 or 9PM, but nothing more....no time...18+ hours at the computer makes me want to die.

Ok, so enough procrastinating...its time to get back to work...

Sometimes I wish I had never quite smoking...and other times I wish I had never started....

I promise I'll be back...

So I started working on something new.

It's a sketch of a random floating piece of rock with people living on it out in space. Theres a story behind it, but I've been drawing this using my netbook and wacom bamboo. Seriously a bad idea...especially since it's not very good and I could have done it in 2 hours as opposed to the 7 I've already put into it. It's just that I'm not that good with the tablet yet and lacking the rotate canvas ability that PS has in comparison to gimp, is truly and difficult thing to overcome.

I'm not very happy with my work so far, but I shall press on and finish it using the wacom and my netbook, just to say I have.

Sometimes the art itself is not the final outcome, but the steps taken to achieve your goal.

Migraine headaches FTW 0.o;

Has anyone ever asked themselves if they really had talent? Did anyone ever get an answer and then run and hide under the couch?

I haven't. But I've been wondering recently if I really have any talent at all or if I'm just really really good at faking it...even to myself 0.o;

:sigh:

Who knows..I do often wish that I was as good as some of my friends on here.

:thumb103816923: [link]
:thumb112899884: [link]
:thumb102484896: [link]
:thumb106199096: [link]

Just to name a few. Sometimes I feel like I've produced something that's pretty good, but I just don't like it as much as I like everyone else's work.

I work the normal 40 hour work week. I go to school online. I go out every now and then with my girlfriend, but I just can't sit myself down to create anything.

SO FRUSTRATING!!!!

Sometimes I think I should just stop trying, but those thoughts are taken over by ideas....BUT I CAN NEVER GET THE IDEAS INTO PHYSICAL EXISTENCE THE WAY I WANT THEM!!!

OK ok ok, I'm done ranting. I'll probably be all calmed down by the time I get home anyway.

yes, 44 miles home again...I just can't get over it. Not even after a year of doing it.

BTW the worst part is, I'm stuck using my netbook until I can figure out what the crap is wrong with my desktops. And Yes, its much harder than it sounds...I'm having power supply and board problems and I can't afford a new one of either...so I'm trying to fix them by hand with my soldering iron.

If I could find the damn thing that is.

Well, time to lockup the office and get ready to leave.